Inauthenticity in Sexuality

How did you feel when you read the title of this blog post: "inauthenticity in sexuality?"

Not such light reading, am I right? You may know by now that "beating around the bush" isn't really my style. 😛 

Yesterday, I was asked a series of questions about how I show up in sex that had me feeling all sorts of ways from sad and remorseful to expressed and compassionate. 

So now, I'm going to pose the same questions to you: 

Begin to confront and acknowledge where you've been being inauthentic in the area of sex. 

  • What have you been pretending? 

  • What is the impact of your having been inauthentic in the area of sex? Be specific. 

  • What new possibility would you like to create for yourself in this area of your life? (Share this with someone so you can create accountability and a chance to be seen)!

Oh shit. Right? 

Even if there's some discomfort, I invite you to sit with it and to really take a chance to explore your responses to these questions. A lot opened up for me when I did.


And so you know that you're not alone, here's a recap of how I answered the questions:

  • What have I been pretending? 

    • I've been pretending that I always feel empowered in sex, that I always enjoy sex, that I'm always "down to have" sex, that I always like sex rough or wild, when in fact, I often like slow, deep, sensual sex. 

    • I've been pretending that I "know it all" about sex.

  • What is the impact of your having been inauthentic in the area of sex? Be specific. 

    • I haven't clearly been able to request from a partner that which would have me feeling most in my pleasure during sex, therefore, it's not always pleasurable.

    • I have missed out on opportunities to create deep connection and intimacy in sex because I've used it as a physical means to win love and validation.

    • I have had sex that doesn't feel good or that I didn't really want to have - this has impacted my physical, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing.

  • What new possibility would you like to create for yourself in this area of your life?

    • I am creating the possibility of open communication and making clear requests for my desires.

    • I am creating the possibility of deep intimacy, spiritual connection, sensuality, fun, and play.

    • I am creating the possibility that I can enjoy sex as much of the time as I enjoy any other passion in life - every time!

    • I am creating the possibility of truly receiving in sex - feeling open and able to melt into my partner's deep desire to give me pleasure, with a free mind and an open heart.


Note: I've had plenty of great, connected, pleasurable sex in my life. These questions didn't ask about that, though. They asked about where I've been being inauthentic. So, even if you're having great sex intermittently, it may be time to ask why you're not having great sex ALL the time?


Alright, I'll let up on all of the deep thought for today. 


I super encourage you to reach out, especially if you can't think of anyone you want to share your responses with. You have an accountability buddy in me!